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Keto AF

NaBloPoMo Mofos, Day Two

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This time last year, I started following the keto diet. Because I needed to lose weight. Because I was HUGE. Because everything HURT. My left knee is a hot fucking mess of bone on bone and it hurt nearly all the time, even when I was lying down. My hips ached any time I stood up for more than twenty minutes. If I even COULD stand up for twenty minutes.

It was hard to make that decision because it felt like a violation of so much of what I believed in — that all bodies are good bodies, that fat people are worthy and human and beautiful. For a long time, I did manage to love my body when it was fat — until I didn't.

Until I couldn't hike anymore because it would cause me pain for days.

Until I felt awful all the fucking time.

Here's what sold me on this way of eating. I watched this Ted Talk by Dr. Sarah Hallberg who really helped me understand the way carbs react with my body — in particular because I have both polycystic ovaries (but not full PCOS because my cycle is regular AF, sadly) and insulin resistance.

Something clicked. And a few days before Halloween last year, I gave it a try.

What I eat is high fat + low carb. I eat big ass steaks. I eat a whole avocado every day. I relish eggs. I love bacon and eat it all the time. I also found out that all vegetables taste a million times better when you add fat and salt to them.

I'm more keto-ish than truly keto. I don't track my ketones with either urine dipsticks (too many flashbacks to daily peeing on sticks during my pregnancy with Tori to check for protein in my urine), nor do I use a blood meter. I just try to keep my carbs somewhere under 50 or so grams a day, but I don't freak out if I go over. And the reason I go for a higher number of carbs is because it turns out veggies have a lot of carbs, and I'm not willing to eat less veggies. I do avoid most fruit, though.

I had to unlearn so much. Particularly when it comes to fat. Even though I had a nutritionist tell me 15 years ago that fat is what makes your brain feel full, I didn't get it. I have been eating low fat for DECADES. Even when I binged, I always picked the "fat free" dip and the baked options. Because FAT IS BAD, right?

Let me tell you something. Learning to go ahead and use the oil and add the butter WAS SO FUCKING HARD. The low-fat thing is soooo ingrained. But once you add fat, you lose hunger. It's as simple as that.

Not only did I lose a lot of weight doing a very lazy version of low carb/high fat — 51 pounds as of August (I haven't weighed myself since then). I'm down a ton of sizes, and when I do follow the diet, I have much less joint pain.

But the most insane thing? It is so EASY. Sometimes I even fast for a whole day and I barely even feel it (I do intermittent fasting every day, and sometimes go 24 hours, but that's a whole other conversation).

This makes me FURIOUS.

Why didn't my doc tell me when I was diagnosed with insulin resistance — right after Tori was born — tell me this was the ideal diet to address it? Why didn't my GP? Why didn't anyone?

I know. You can't change the past. But damn it, I really wish I could.

Although mostly I'd just like to change the outcome of the 2016 election. I'd keep the fatness if we could lose Trump.

That's it for me today. I feel like I didn't say more than I said here. I'm still figuring out how much I can feel safe sharing. But one last thing: you guys with your comments. It made me cry with happy, happy tears. God I have missed you all so much. I'm going to reply to everyone's comments like I used to, too. THANK YOU!

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